I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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