apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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