I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize