When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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