why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm passing your future prison.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
