I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
