If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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