Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
