Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We had to coat check the pizza.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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