Where did you get a picture of my penis
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
