Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
