sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
