I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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