You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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