I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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