I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
