Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
