I wish I could punch you in the face.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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