MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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