The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
