You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
