Your tits are I can't wait for
She announced her abortion via fbk
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
