In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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