i would punch a child for taco bell
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
