I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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