I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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