You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
