someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
