If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
