Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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