There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
