Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
