I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
