I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
