the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize