LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
