wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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