i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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