Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
