if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
