Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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