I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
