He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
