dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
