Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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