Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
