i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize