I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She's the barista slut.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
