I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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