mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
