time to smoke my breakfast
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
