This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Randomize
