I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
