Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
