I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Are my feet made of real feet?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
