she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
