I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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