what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize