Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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