Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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