Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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