It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
