You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
