nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
