when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
