you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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