My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
