How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I wear drunk well.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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