walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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