Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
