TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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