thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize