dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
