I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Randomize
