you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
