All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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