JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
