Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
