It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
