U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
