She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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