the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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