There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
