I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i will never coherently bang her
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
