We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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