So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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