he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
