Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
