maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
