Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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