So drunk its hurt
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
God, I missed his penis.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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