I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
