I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
