Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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