If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
