The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
