Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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