i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
